And then there was 14
by Ditzes
Summary: Hey we are twisted! From Courtship with Unicorns to People who die and are not explained for many many chapters to Bizarre Explosions this fic has it all.
1. Chapter 1 (Am I creative or what?)

Disclaimer: We admit that the charactes used in this story are, alas, not our invention and most of them are the works of JRR Tolkien so...yeah.... but they are slightly modified.   
  
Author Notes- U have probably read Millions and billions of fanfics and if Ur like my bestfriend the Title "Lord of The Rings" causes quite an uproar. This is like any other fanfic except its written by me and my best friend and not anyone else. This is my first attempt at a fanfic so if you choose to mock my sometimes pitiful attempts do so all u want but Meghan's written tons so... Um... Ah..   
(Meghan) You stole my word!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Ok we apologise now for the use of any naughty words, sexual references, Violence, slang, bad grammer, bad english, bad spelling, bad typing, lack of originality (but that won't happen often!), Bad, just bad, and we apologise for all those who miss out on having (meghan drools) Legolas. Megz got him coz she is DESPERATE!!!  
(Meghan)Well.... no... ok, ok, so maybe I am...*sigh*  
Anyway. The characters are based on us and our friends. Tab the great and moody Aiwa and Megz is Elfea.  
Just a bit on our characters or more for what they are renowned for.  
The young elf Legolas was renowned for his groupies.   
The dashing hero and our favourite Hobbit Frodo for being able to call the worlds most bizarre hobbit uncle.   
Our dwarven friend Gimli was reknowned for some shady attempts at courtship with Unicorns.   
The big boss dude Aragon for dating elves he wasn't meant to.  
The Hobbits, Pippin and Merry, for stealing things and on a regular basis assisting in some shifty business.   
Prince Boromir was well known for his refusal to die.   
Sam was well, he was the inventer of the rose.   
And Gandalf was reknowned for his advances in the fields of love potions.  
And OUR characters  
Tigerlily won the World whining championship, with Pippin coming in a close second.  
Ishtar the silent one  
Luke is the hell gorgeous husband.  
Elfea is a ditz  
And Aiwa is a ditz too.  
Sooo on to chapter one. Don't worry we won't have this everytime just when we feel like it.  
Always Remember- Do people who spend $2 on little bottles of Evian drinking water know its "NAIVE" spelt backwards?  
Luv  
{\o/}  
*/*\*  
Megz and Tabz  
  
  
CHAPTER 1   
  
The fellowship dropped into the seats that had obviosly been arranged for someone else.  
"Oh my.. There's, like, a group of misfits in our seats. How rude.. We had them reserved."  
"Come off it Aiwa. They look tired give them a break."  
"Aiwa come on. We can get other seats."  
"Tigerlily so can they and Elfea just...."  
The fellowship looked up to find four people in front of them.  
Frodo recovered first, "Oh are these your seats?"  
Aiwa glared at the group, "Ah well they have our names on it so they must be yours."  
Elfea gave Aiwa the glare of the *brutal axe murderer*, "Leave them alone. We can..." She paused, before grabbing Aiwa by the arm and pulling her to the side. "We should let them stay," She gestured to the group of inter-speciel misfits. "We could benifit from this."  
"Yeah the dark haired hobbit is pretty cute," Aiwa said, "If I was drunk!"  
"Not the hobbit, you moron!" Elfea gave her friend a hard look. "The Elf!!!" She adjusted her hair. "How do I look?"  
"Your eyeliners running from the rain and your hair is all out of place and.... the ELF??"Aiwa looked at her best friend of like forever in disdain, "He's just scary I mean with all that blonde hair and he's well an elf!"  
Elfea looked at Aiwa through her eyebrows and silently pointed at her ears.  
"Hello. Can I sit down over there?" Tigerlily asked.  
"SHUT UP!!!" Elfea and Aiwa yelled in Unison. The entire room went silent.  
"Thankyou." Elfea said with the manner of a celebrity.  
"Escuse me ladies. I would quite happily forgoe a chair if you would escort me to bed?" Bromir said dreamily.  
"EXCUSE ME?!" Elfea, in fit of righteous wrath, slaped Boromir - hard - across the face.  
"I'm hungry." Pippin intoned, "Can I steal some food. My skills need to be put to be practiced occasionally."  
"I really want to sit down," Tigerlily whined.  
"Boromir, I'm sure Elfea would happily escort you to bed if she can take the Elf too," Aiwa said with an evil grin.  
Elfea gave Aiwa a withering look. "Mortals."  
"Hey you don't deny it," Aiwa said, again glaring at the group of misfits, "Our seats!"  
"Aiwa. I belive your date is here..."  
"Elfea, it's no longer considered a date if you are married," Aiwa looked around the room, "Oh there's Luke. See you later Elfea. You know after you are done with the Elf!" She walked over to her tall, handsome husband and gave him a kiss. It lasted slightly longer than was neccesary.  
"Mortals." Elfea glared aftter her friend. "Come back here, you coward!!" But it was too late. Aiwa was wrapped in Luke's arms. "Oh, Valar, not again!"  
The fellowship looked on jealousy as Luke and Aiwa walked up the stairs.  
"So," Boromir said happily, "Was your friend right?"  
"Bastard," Elfea muttered. She turned to the elf. "I'm sorry, sir, I didn't catch your name..?"  
"Legolas," the elf said, "And was your friend right, I mean about me."  
"Umm... yes." Elfea murmered quietly. "Shame.." She whispered.  
"What?'  
"Nothing." She replied sweetly as she turned and walked up the stairs. Tigerlily and Ishtar followed.  
Boromir stood up and took a few steps after them.  
"No!" Aragon said, authoritively.  
"That elf was pretty hot. What was her name? Elfea?" Legolas looked after her.  
"Personally I liked Aiwa. Too bad she's married," Frodo turned to Aragon, "Can I kill her husband?"  
"Do you think they know any unicorns?" Gimli asked.  
  
{\o/} {\o/} {\o/} {\o/}  
*/*\* */*\* */*\* */*\*  
  
Aiwa pushed Luke out of bed.  
"Are you awake yet?"  
"No!"  
"Come on! It's 4:30 already."  
"What in the afternoon?" Luke asked as he jumped out of bed  
"Course not silly. In the morning!"  
Luke groaned and went back to sleep.  
Aiwa threw his boots at him and walked out the door.  
  
{\o/} {\o/} {\o/} {\o/}  
*/*\* */*\* */*\* */*\*  
  
"Ah." Elfea murmered knowingly as Aiwa walked into the dining hall, without Luke and looking vexed.  
"What Ah? There is no ah to it. I married a male. Thats all the ah to it!"  
"No, 'ah', as in.. you pulled the whole it's like 4:30 already' thing on him, didn't you?"  
"How the hell did you know. I mean I try to start the day off with a laugh and the shit goes back to sleep!"  
"Ha. Ha. Ha."  
"Shut up I'm going back to bed. Is your room free?"  
Elfea paused. "Ah."  
Aiwa looked shocked, "You didn't?"  
"What? Oh, unfortunately, no. You just may not be able to find your way out again if you go in there, is all."  
Aiwa jumped as someone slipped a cloak over her shoulders.  
"I'm sorry, sweetheart. I've gotten up now." Luke said regretfully.  
Elfea made gagging noises. "Sweetheart?!"  
"Do you want to go back to bed now?"  
"Sure"  
Elfea really did choke that time. "You mortals are disgusting."  
Aiwa and Luke again went upstairs and the less said of that the better.  
"I see you're friend has left you alone," Legolas said from behind Elfea.  
Elfea jumped slightly, then turned. "Ah, yes, she has indeed. She made Luke get up too early. He's searching for retribution."  
Legolas laughed at that.  
"There's a seat over there, you know..." She pointed across the table.  
"What only one seat?"  
"Ah. Indeed. Only one seat. I'll just have to sit on your' lap then, won't I?"  
"I can't see any problem with that."  
Legolas went and sat in the chair next to the Frodo. Elfea, being the person she was, quite happily sat in his lap.   
"So."  
"Do you want breakfast or are you on some odd diet that makes no sense to males"  
"Diet? Me? Shit no!"  
"Soo. What do you want for breakfast?" Legolas asked the little miss that was sitting in his lap.  
"Ummmm..... Food."  
"Please tell me again why I am letting you sit in my lap?"  
"Because. I'm sweet and cute and... Valar! Did I just say that aloud?"  
Aiwa and Luke finally made an appearance. They wandered across the room and found a chair at the table.   
Aiwa looked at Elfea with a really dopey look on her face.  
"Ah." Elfea said.  
"Yes and it's a good 'Ah' this time," Aiwa said happily  
"Is it? It didn't tell me."  
"Just shut up. Whats for breakfast?" Luke said from behind his dopey grin.  
"Is that all you males think about?!"  
Legolas looked at Elfea questionally.  
"Food. I meant food." Elfea said quickly.  
"Mmmm?"  
"Gruel, most likely. Bleargh," Elfea said, disgusted.  
"Even you can cook better than that, Elfea. I know Aiwa can," Luke said happily.  
"I~Do~Not~Cook." Elfea growled. "Neither does Aiwa, for that matter. Not that we can't, we just don't."  
"Ah.''  
"You stole my word."  
"So?"  
"Okay, so what is for breakfast?" Aiwa asked, "We have to leave for Mordor by 6:00"  
"Can I take my friend? I must get revenge. He stole my word. NOBODY steals my word." Elfea put on a feigned look of devestation.  
"Stuff Breakfast, Elfea, clean up your room and get ready to leave," Aiwa said tiredly.  
"No!"  
"Yes!"  
"That's a circular logic, Aiwa."  
"Wow you can use those big words all by yourself. Now go clean your room," Aiwa said as she leaned back on Luke and closed her eyes.  
"Yes, mother." Elfea said acidly, but made no move to leave.  
"Elfea I am younger than you. So nah!"  
"Oh, the pain!"  
"Come on we have to leave by six and I don't have time to clean your room as well as mine and Lukes."  
"Oh, well."  
"Legolas, oh soon to be husband of my twisted friend, even though she has known you for but a day, would you be so kind as to escort her to Mordor?" Aiwa asked Legolas.  
"Well I'm really sorry but I can't. You can tag along with us," Legolas said in an almost excited tone.  
At this point Aragon decided to enter the conversation, " I thought we agreed I'd ask people to join the fellowship!"  
"And who might you be? The King of Gondor?" Elfea said sarcastically.  
"Yes...No," He said quickly, "Who told you?"  
"You are? Shit!"  
"We need to go!" Aiwa said finally grabbing Elfea by the collar. "We are leaving in an hour. MOVE!"  
"Sorry. Can't." Elfea pointed to her cloak, which was caught under a chair. She could, of course, have lifted the chair and pulled out the cloak, but she didn't feel like doing anything useful.  
Aiwa picked up Lukes sword and cut off the offending piece of cloak, "There happy now?"  
Everyone looked stunned.  
"Bitch! I liked that cloak!!!"  
"Then get upstairs clean that goddamn room and I will fix it!"  
"Fine." Elfea said acidly as she walked to the stairs.  
  
{\o/} {\o/} {\o/} {\o/}  
*/*\* */*\* */*\* */*\*  
  
So what do u think? We NEEEEEED reviews!!!!!! 


	2. Chapter 2 (I know original or what?)

DISCLAIMER: Wee, what fun. This is the part where we tell you all how insignificant and worthless we are. No, nothing you recognise from stuff written by Tolkien is ours, as the fact that it was written by Tolkien would suggest. Oh, We are just so witty. We do own Aiwa, Elfea, Ishtar, Tigerlilly, umm... and Luke. Weee! The power. Steal them and we'll flay you.  
(Tab) No Megz i wish I owned luke!  
(megz) And I wish I owned Legolas. But you can't always get what you want. :(   
(tab) Chicken noodle stirfry is really yummy  
  
  
Writing type peoples Note: Ok, so we kow we're the only ones who've reveiwed this fic, but we don't give a damn and as punishment you shall be forced to endure this entire story, ha, ha, haha. Ha. Basically, in this chap, marvelous Chapter 2 (origionally named and everyting), stuff will happen, a character will die and carnage, blood, blood, rejoicing.  
Ok we apologise now for the use of any naughty words, sexual references, Violence, slang, snogging, pashing, kissing, dirty old men, abuse of unicorns, any stereotypical words used, any random plots, any cliches, any hungry hippos, any stupid comments, corny jokes, meghan & tabithaesque humour, fleas, unexplained explosions, plotholes you could fit large cities into, sugarrrr abuse, accidental crosses in which HP characters end up in here, abuse of yaks, high elephants, gruesome deaths that really needn't of happened, lack of sugarrrr abuse, bad grammer (stupid english language), bad english, bad spelling (just say it aloud. Its spelt how it sounds!), bad typing, lack of originality (but that won't happen often!), Bad, just bad, and we apologise for all those who miss out on having (meghan drools) Legolas. If u discover anything we have missed please feel free to flame originally! And use ur login name so we can give u "constructive" criticismmshdtaf (the ideas there).  
P.S why are you even reading the A/N anyway?  
  
Ok, if our A/N was better than the actual chapter, please don't inform us as we're quite happy staying innocent.  
Always Remember- Go now and fill another room in hell.  
Luv  
{\o/}  
*/*\*  
Tabz and Megz  
  
Chapter 2 (how original!)  
  
"Are we there yet?" Tigerlily whined.  
Aiwa spun around on her horse so fast she nearly fell off but was caught by... Luke.  
Elfea could be heard making barfing noises not to far behind.  
Aiwa turned to Tigerlily, "No"  
"Will we be there in the next hour?" Tigerlily whined, again.  
Elfea closed her eyes in resignation, "No."  
"Will we get there by lunch?" Tigerlily whined... again.  
"No," Luke closed his eyes and slid off his horse. He landed in the dirt, "Fuck this."  
Aiwa stopped and pretended to trample him, "Oi, you stupid git, you trying to break my horse's shoe?"  
Luke didn't utter a word as he wordlessly got back on his horse.  
Elfea laughed as she saw his ears turn a frightfully bright shade of red.  
"Will we be there by tea?" Tigerlily whined..... again.  
Ishtar shook her head.  
"Will we be there today?" Tigerlily whined....... again.  
"No and if you don't shut up you will never make it." Legolas muttered darkly.  
"Will we be there by breakfast?" Tigerlily whined......... again.  
"Neigh."  
Everyone stoped and looked at Gimli in obvious confusion.  
"I'm a unicorn!" he yelled as he ran off into the sunset.  
Aiwa looked at Aragorn, "Is he always like that?"  
"Well, that has to be the most disturbing thing I've ever seen," Elfea commented, "And I've seen alot of weird shit in my time."  
"Elfea, watch your fucking language." Aiwa shook her head in disdain.  
Aragorn looked pissed off, "You asked me a question do you want to hear the answer?"  
"Maybe, but then again if I say I do and I don't like the answer I'll never be able to take back the question, will I?" Aiwa inquired.  
Aragorn looked confused and rode off.  
Aiwa looked at her shoes, "I think I upset him."  
  
{\o/} {\o/} {\o/} {\o/}  
*/*\* */*\* */*\* */*\*  
  
Legolas helped Elfea off her horse.  
It was now Aiwa's turn to make barfing noises.  
Luke came up behind her, "Are you feeling ill?"  
"Coughmoroncough," Elfea muttered in Lukes' direction.  
"Coughsinglecough," Aiwa muttered in Elfea's direction. She turned to Luke. "No, honey," she said with a smirk in Elfea's direction, "I'm feeling a little hungry is all. I'm sure you can cook better than me or Elfea."  
Elfea's insane laughter could be heard throughout the clearing.  
Aiwa looked amused, but said nothing.  
Frodo, Pippin and Merry grabbed packs off the horses setting up camp.   
"So, Pippin, is it true you like that Tigerlily, chic?" Frodo asked making conversation.  
Pippin looked at his feet, "I was soo drunk when I said that."  
Merry looked at Pippin and laughed, gaylee, "Sure, mate, but you were obviousely not so drunk that you don't remember saying it."  
Aragorn came came up behind them all, laughing hysterically. "Yousa knows dat chic whos has thers pointy yuears?" he asked obviousely totally sloshed.  
Frodo looked at Aragorn, "Ale, Whiskey, Port, Wine, Vodka, Spirit's, Mai Tai, Liquer or Mead. I don't care what it is but I really need to get shit faced."  
Aragorn leaned forward and threw up on Frodo.  
Merry and Pippin tried to muffle their laughter behind coughing fits. Pippin fell into the newly lit fire.  
"Fuck, this, fucken, fire," he muttered as he rolled on the ground trying to put out his clothes.  
Merry pulled Pippin into a standing position and threw a bucket of water over him.  
"My Gawd," Frodo mumbled darkly, "If I hang around you guys for much longer I'm going to need to get shit faced every day."  
Boromir laughed from his position on his horse.  
Luke and Aiwa reappeared from behind some bushes.  
The Forest of Lothlorien looked dark and gloomy around them.  
The two elves in the party, however, were looking around with expressions that were nothing short of awe.  
Something rustled in the leaves around them.   
Aiwa and Elfea moved towards their packs to grab their bows.   
Luke looked at Aiwa in shock, "You never told me you knew how to use a bow!"  
Aiwa and Elfea looked at him in disdain. "You never told me you knew how to use a bow!" They mimiked.  
Luke looked at his feet, "Aiwa, I though we settled this yesterday before breakfast. I'm really sorry I didn't get up when you asked me to but..."  
"Shhhh," Legolas muttered, "There is someone in the bushes."  
Aiwa shook her head and grabbed Luke by the arm dragging him towards the noise.  
Elfea blinked, shrugged, and followed suite, grabbing Legolas by the arm.  
Aiwa waved her bow a head of her. She let Lukes arm go so she could draw her bow.  
Elfea drew her bow, lighting the arrow with a blue flame by using a single word. "Nar,"  
She muttered.  
Luke drew his sword as he and Legolas stepped infront of the 'ladies'.  
Elfea being the pushy little miss she was pushed Luke aside.   
She growled as Legolas picked her up and flung her over his shoulder walking back towards the camp.  
Aiwa muffled a laugh. She raised her bow and moved the brush aside to reveal....  
  
  
{\o/} {\o/} {\o/} {\o/}  
*/*\* */*\* */*\* */*\*  
  
A/N- and so ends chapter 2. We coulkd keep going but cliff hangers are so much fun!  
Isn't a-n-s-w-e-r a funky word. I mean it is spelt so weirdly!  
We're original, talented, funny and high on the blood of the innocent! 


	3. Chapter 3 (Wow my creativity astounds ev...

Disclaimer- Roses are red. Violets are blue. We no own. So you no sue.  
  
  
  
A MESSAGE TO SLASH FANS: THIS IS NOT AND NEVER WILL HAVE SLASH. SLASH IS WRITTEN BY PEOPLE WHO CANNOT/ DON'T HAVE THE ABILITY TO WRITE ANYTHING THAT IS WORTHY OF MERIT AND INTURN BEING READ.  
  
SO NAH  
  
  
Note from the Author type people- In this chap we might actually kill the person we meant to kill in the last chapter. Well actually we did kill them but we didn't write it so you didn't notice!!!! In this chapter Hp characters will suddenly appear from no where. All will be revealed (eventually! maybe! Possible! Probably Not!) And, because this has been a fairly non-violent fic so far, we might I repeat might make something explode without reason, so we can add carnage and mutilation (two of my favourite words) to the list of appologies, which is next. How did we manage to organise that so well? (we wrote it in this order... :P)  
We apologise now for the use of any naughty words, sexual references, Violence, slang, snogging, pashing, kissing, dirty old men, abuse of unicorns, any stereotypical words used, any random plots, any cliches, any hungry hippos, any stupid comments, corny jokes, meghan & tabithaesque humour, fleas, unexplained explosions, plotholes you could fit large cities into, sugarrrr abuse, accidental crosses in which HP characters end up in here, pointless use of dots, abuse of yaks, high elephants, gruesome deaths that really needn't of happened, lack of sugarrrr abuse, bad grammer (stupid english language), bad english, bad spelling (just say it aloud. Its spelt how it sounds!), bad typing, lack of originality (but that won't happen often!), Bad, just bad, and we apologise for all those who miss out on having Legolas.  
Aragorn's speech is usually slurred, so all of those sperrors were intentional. (No, we're not that stoopid.)  
  
Always Remember- ATTENTION COLLEGE STUDENTS- Condoms should be used  
in all conceivable situations.   
Luv  
{\o/}  
*/*\*  
Megz and Tabz  
  
  
Chapter 3 (Woowho)  
  
Two rather young indindividuals wrapped around each other with very little clothing on.  
Aiwa looked shocked, "Luke, is that what we look like?"  
The two people looked up.   
The young lady screamed.  
The young man looked faintly amused.  
Aiwa turned away. They had enough clothes on to be respectable, barely.  
Luke tried to stop himself from laughing but failed. He walked back towards camp.  
"Draco, where the fuck are my clothes?"  
"Do you remember were we threw them? I was thinking of other things at the time."  
The girl slapped him across the cheek.  
"Come on, Gin, what was that for?"  
Aiwa dared a peek to see if they were respectable, or more so than they were a moment before.  
Elfea ran into the clearing, Legolas close behind her.   
"No, Legolas! I wanna fight! I wanna fight! Burn! fight! Kill!"  
Legolas sighed.  
Suddenly, they noticed the two less-than-well-covered individuals.  
Elfea turned and faced the camp again.   
"I didn't need to see that."  
"Elfea go back to camp,. Legolas go with her, we wouldn't want her to get side-tracked," she turned towards the two youngsters, "Do you have anywhere to go?"  
The young male looked up, "What's it to you?"  
"What is it with you humans?!" Elfea grumbled to no-one in particular as she stood facing the camp.  
Legolas, who was now on very good terms with Elfea picked her up and again slung hre over his shoulder as she found herself being carried back to camp, again.  
Elfea sighed, and gave up.  
Aiwa smiled at the boy, "What's it to me? You just scared the shit out of me and my husband! Not to mention my best friend. You do remember you are the ones standing in a bush almost nude."  
He looked himself up and down, "I still have my pants on."  
The young girl looked at Aiwa and smiled, innocently, "I'm Virginia and that's Draco. Ignore him. He has a tendency to be a bit moron like most of the time."  
Aiwa looked at the pair, "Well, you two, if you don't have any place to go come back to camp."  
The two looked up and followed Aiwa as she walked back towards the camp.  
"O'Valar there were these twokidsandtheywere like, you know, and....."  
Elfea's voice drifted over to Aiwa, Draco and Virginia.   
Aiwa laughed, "Don't worry about Elfea."  
Aragorn leaned over as if to mutter something conspiratorially to Boromir, but ended up, because of the amount of alcohol in his blood, saying it in a loud, clearly audible voice, "Does yousa thinks theysa knows eacho otha?"   
Virginia went red.  
Aiwa looked at the group and yelled out, "We can hear you and we're coming over so Elfea keep your trap shut!"  
"Be nice." The she-elf muttered, although loudly.  
The two new companions sat down quietly in a corner away from the fellowship plus five.  
Luke stood up and smiled at Aiwa, "Come over here, kids,"  
The two young... er... aquaintainces looked indignant.   
"I'm at least as old as her!" Draco said hotly, pointing at Aiwa.  
Luke laughed, "And I hope for the sake of your young friend over there you are married like her too."  
Virginia looked shocked, "She's married?"  
Aiwa laughed, "Hello, I'm 15. Great age to get married."  
Draco smirked, "Ha, I am older than her."  
Elfea laughed. "Yes, but when will you grow up?"  
Legolas looked at Elfea and tried to contain his laughter. He failed and fell off the log he was sitting on. He landed with an omph.  
"Aww, poor Legolas." Elfea helped him up, though he didn't need it, considering the fact that the log had been less than a hands' breadth off the ground.  
Aragorn looked at Draco, "Wellsa tin, boyoo, howsa old iz ya?" He slurred.  
Draco looked at him disdainfully, "I'm 16. That's one year older than 15 and one year younger than 17. Got that?"  
Aragorn looked confused, "17?"  
Draco rolled his eyes. "16. Six-teen."  
Luke looked at Aragorn and laughed, "Score one for the kid, So how old is the girl?"  
Virginia frowned. "I have a name."  
Aiwa elbowed Luke in the ribs, "Where are your manners today." She stood up and walked towards Virginia, "So, child..er... sorry... Virginia, how old are you?"  
Virginia looked at Aiwa as if she had sprouted horns, "I'm 15 same as you and I really don't think it's a great age to get married!"  
"Dun, dun, dun!" Elfea said dramatically.  
"Elfea, shut up!"  
"Hehehehe! Heeheehee!" Elfea poked out her tongue. "NAH!"  
Boromir looked at Virginia, "Oh my, poor dear, whatever happened to your clothes? I'm sure if you come with me to my tent we could find you some more."  
"Sleaz!" Elfea and Aiwa whispered in unison.  
Boromir stood up and walked towards Virginia, "Come on, it beats the bushes."  
Draco looked at Boromir icily, "I wouldn't if I was you!"  
Boromir ignored him. He grabbed Virginia by the wrist. Everyone stood up attempting to get to the sleaz and Virginia.  
Draco pulled something, that looked remarkably like a wand, out of his pocket. He aimed it at Boromir, "Let go of her, or you're dead." He said in a dangerously quiet voice.  
Boromir smirked and pulled Virginia off to the edge of the clearing. She stood mutely, shocked.   
"Don't say I didn't warn you..... Avada Kedavra!"  
A green light flashed from the wand like piece of wood.  
Boromir crumpled.  
Draco looked surprised. "Didn't expect that to work," He shrugged, "Quite impressive, I think."  
Aiwa looked at Draco and then at the body of Boromir, "Oh where did you study? I went to Beauxbatons Academy of Magic."  
Draco looked at Aiwa, "Hey are you Aiwa?"  
Aiwa looked at Draco, "Yes and what's it to you?"  
"Nothing." he replied in that annoying happy tone some people use.  
Virginia laughed, "Sorry, but I fear you might be related to Draco here. He has a cousin called Aiwa that goes to Beauxbatons. We both go to Hogwarts."  
"Horworts?" Aragorn slurred. "Whada filly naime."  
Luke looked at Aiwa and then at Draco, "I can sorta see the resemblance. Are you Narcissia's boy?"  
"Son." Draco said through clenched teeth.  
Aragorn looked confuddled, "Iths Bozomire ashleep?" He slurred still drunk.  
Virginia laughed, "See, Draco, I told you they had to have alcohol somewhere!"  
Elfea looked impressed. "That was cool! I want one. I'm a mage though. I could probably do that without that wood - thing."  
  
{\o/} {\o/} {\o/} {\o/}  
*/*\* */*\* */*\* */*\*  
  
Virginia drew the bow. She let go and hit Frodo in the arse. "Shit, Sorry!"  
Aiwa and Elfea were on the floor laughing.  
Frodo was currently running arround in circles, yelling obcenities, "Shit you little whore, that was my arse, MY ARSE that you just shot! Fucken oath. Fuck the shithead excuses for fucken gods. Fuck my fucken arse hurts! SHIT!!"  
"My, he said a naughty word." Elfea said, feigning shock and innocence.  
Aiwa looked at Frodo angrily "Watch your fucking language!"  
"Yeah, you aren't the one with an arrow sticking out of your' arse!" And so the obscenities started again, "You whoredoughter, Fucken sleazy bitchy who shot me in the fucking AAAAARRRRSSSSSSSSSEEEE!"  
Virginia looked suitably embaressed.  
Draco decided he should step in now. "Leave her alone. It's no wonder she hit you, your' arse is so big!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
Virginia blushed, "Draco, it's quite okay I don't need you to stick up for me."  
Draco looked a mite embarrased.  
Luke came up behind the three girls. He had a single blue rose and he threaded it into Aiwa's hair.  
Elfea shrugged, "I guess that means the end of today's lesson." Her eyes brightened. "PAAARTYYY!!!!!!"  
"What?" Pippin asked.  
Elfea shrugged. "Seemed like a good idea at the time," She raised her voice. "Let's all get sloshed!!!!!!"  
Aiwa and Luke didn't hear as they had already disappeared.....  
  
{\o/} {\o/} {\o/} {\o/}  
*/*\* */*\* */*\* */*\*  
  
Elfea smiled as she leaned over and poured a bottle of Vodka into his mouth.  
Legolas smiled dopily. Then fell off the floor. Elfea quite happily fell after him.  
  
{\o/} {\o/} {\o/} {\o/}  
*/*\* */*\* */*\* */*\*  
  
SEVERAL HOURS LATER  
Luke ran ahead of Aiwa. He laughed as he ran as fast as he could.  
Aiwa smirked, "Accio broom."  
She landed gracefully in the centre of the clearing.  
"WHAT THE J... H...FUCK?!?!?!"  
Luke decided to make an appearance, "OH SHIT!"  
The Fellowship were are lying in various positions around the clearing. All were well and truely and completely sloshed.  
Luke looked sad, "I missed a chance to get shit faced!"  
Aiwa glared at him. She walked up to the nearest creature and kicked it in the sides.  
"Sos whata does youse thinks Misure Leas?" He asked a silent Autumn leaf, "Does youse fink Aiwa wantas to does me?"  
Aiwa kicked Frodo in the side again.  
He rolled over and went to sleep.  
Aiwa swore explosivily*, "Trust Elfea to get everyone sloshed at the worst possible time!"  
Luke came over and threw a flower at Aiwa, "Come on, lets get pissed too. I hate being a loner."  
Aiwa walked around the camp. Mentally ticking off everyone who was there. She decided not to comment on the sleeping figure of her friend. She was wrapped round a rather nude elf and with a wedding ring on her finger.  
"Luke, dear, put down the keg and get your very sexy arse over here," Aiwa muttered darkly.  
"Luke didn't put down the keg but did walk towards Aiwa, "Whats wrong, dear?"  
Aiwa looked at Luke, "Everyone's here except for ............................................................... ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................ Tigerlily."  
  
{\o/} {\o/} {\o/} {\o/}  
*/*\* */*\* */*\* */*\*  
  
A?N?- Is omph the sound you make when you are trying to copy bass?  
* there the explosion. 


	4. Chapter 4 (these names just keep getting...

DISCLAIMER: We haven't won anything, we don't have any money, so we haven't bought anything, therefore we own nothing that we did not invent. You sue us, We'll sue you. Ok? Ok.  
  
Tedious thing written by someone that can type & speak english at the same time:   
We admit there has been a lack of snoggng but an awful lot of 'implied' snogging so... We might actually include some snogging one of these days! And as promised in Chapter 2 we might even tell you who's dead.  
We apologise now for the use of any naughty words, sexual references, Violence, slang, snogging, pashing, kissing, dirty old men, abuse of unicorns, any stereotypical words used, any random plots, any cliches, any hungry hippos, any stupid comments, corny jokes, meghan & tabithaesque humour, fleas, unexplained explosions, plotholes you could fit large cities into, sugarrrr abuse, accidental crosses in which HP characters end up in here, pointless use of dots, abuse of yaks, high elephants, gruelsome deaths that really needn't of happened, lack of sugarrrr abuse, bad grammer (stupid english language), bad english, bad spelling (just say it aloud. Its spelt how it sounds!), bad typing, invented words, lack of originality (but that won't happen often!), Bad, just bad, and we apologise for all those who miss out on having Legolas.  
  
We swear alot, don't we? Hahah.  
  
Always Remermber- We are not bitches  
We are the bitches  
And thats Miss Bitches to you!  
Luv  
{\o/}  
*/*\*  
Tabz and Megz  
  
Chapter 4- Hangovers.  
  
Elfea woke up beside Legolas. She remembered nothing of the night before. Her head was pounding and her stomach heaved.  
She stood up and ran to find some privacy.  
Aiwa awoke to the sound of her friend throwing up. She smiled evily. If Elfea got sloshed she should deal with the consequences.  
As her friend continued to throw up for extended period of time she got a tad worried and untangled herself from Luke.  
She dressed quickly and walked towards the sound of barfing.  
Elfea was on her hands and knees being rather, violently ill.  
She stoped throwing up and wiped her mouth.  
Aiwa smirked, "How many times have I told you not to get totally sloshed. Why the hell do you think me and Luke got married?"  
Elfea looked shocked.  
Aiwa laughed, "Ditz. No nothing like that. One of us gets sloshed and the other one stays, 'sober'.....ish."  
Elfea shook her head.  
"Looks like you won't have a problem with that anymore. Gotta love the size of your rock."  
Elfea gazed stupidly at her hand. Her vision was kind of blurry. "What?" She mumbled, uncomprehending.  
"That was my first thought as well," Aiwa muttered darkly, "When Luke and I got back last night we saw you, and your rock, asleep with Legolas. I'm sure your mother will approve, although she might be slightly put out that you didn't invite her to the wedding!"  
"Oh-oh."  
Aiwa said nothing as she turned and walked back to the camp.  
Elfea shrugged. "Ah, well. Could've done worse."  
  
{\o/} {\o/} {\o/} {\o/}  
*/*\* */*\* */*\* */*\*  
  
Legolas looked at Aiwa uncomprehensivily. "I DID WHAT?"  
"You heard me, bucko, you married Elfea and you well..."  
Legolas continued to look disbelieving.  
"You know you two..." Aiwa shook her head, "You should see the rock you gave her. It's almost as big as mine!"  
"Oh. That's good, I suppose."  
"You suppose? YOU SUPPOSE! THIS IS MY BEST FRIEND YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT!!! DO YOU EVEN REMEMBER LAST NIGHT?" Aiwa screeched at the top of her lungs.  
"Vagueley, yes. And it is good. Don't yell. My head hurts."  
"I hate to inform you but you deserve it and don't be so blaisè about marrying my friend this is serious!"  
"I know that." Legolas said, trying to avoid saying anything.  
"You shut the hell up and listen to me! I don't care if you were fucking royalty, I will rip you limb from fucking limb if you ever upset her! She has been my best friend since I was little! Stop being so fucking, shity blaisè about the whole fucking thing!" Aiwa continued to yell.  
"Sorry...."  
"You listen to me you rat-faced, little, turd! You better have some fucking answers awfully fucking soon or I will show how good I am at Archery and I won't be aiming for an apple on your head!"  
Legolas looked a bit worried. "I can't remember....."  
Aiwa stood still and screamed obsenities at Legolas for a while. Luke came up behind her and dragged her away. "This isn't fucking over you elvish piece of cow shit!"  
Legolas dutifully stood up, fell over, stood up again and went off to look for Elfea.  
  
{\o/} {\o/} {\o/} {\o/}  
*/*\* */*\* */*\* */*\*  
  
Virginia woke up beside Draco. She pushed him away as she stretched and got out of the tent.  
Aiwa was being held back by Luke, while Legolas walked seemingly aimlessly around the camp.  
Virginia shook her head. She was instantly struck with what a bad idea that was as she ran to find some privacy to remove the little that was in her stomach.  
Draco woke up, feeling distinctly unaffected by the enormous amount of alcohol he had consumed the night before. "How disappointing," He muttered, then realised that Ginny was missing. He got up, swayed slightly, and went off to find her.  
Ginny was on her hands and knees just outside the tent. Draco watched her for a brief while. He watched her retching up the contents of her stomach.  
Draco started to feel a bit guilty due to his own lack of illness. "Are you ok, Gin?" He called.  
Ginny lifted her head briefly before returning to retching.  
"Oh, dear." Draco murmured, and walked over to... well, stand over her and watch her throw up, basically.   
Ginny continued retching for quite some time. He looked at her, obviousely worried.  
"That can't be comfortable." Draco murmured as Ginny continued to relieve herself of the content of her stomach. He sighed.   
Draco looked at Ginny's retching figure and got rather distinctly worried. "Aiwa, " he called towards the camp, "Shit! Aiwa, Elfea, Luke, Legolas, whoever get over here Gin's sick!"  
Aiwa and Luke walked over to where Draco stood and Virginia retched. Aiwa looked very miffed indeed.  
"Why the hell did you want my help? What's my help to you?" Aiwa sneered.  
"I'm worried about Ginny. She's sick."  
Luke looked at Virginia. She did look rather ill.  
Aiwa shook her head, "How long has she been..... removing the contents of her stomach, " Aiwa said delicately.  
"About.... Forty minutes..." Draco said. "Should I be worried, because I am."  
Aiwa looked at Draco and then at Ginny and then back to Draco, "How much did she have to drink last night?"  
Draco paused. "Not that much, actually. Not as much as Elfea."  
"Well-if-you-knew-how-much-Elfea-had-drunk-why-didn't-you-stop-her-marrying-Legolas?" Aiwa asked tightly.  
Luke elbowed her in the ribs, "Virginia throwing up over there remember?"  
Draco looked a bit shocked. "Married? How?" He paused. "Ginny's sick. Shouldn't we be focusing on her right now?"  
Aiwa turned away and breathed deeply for a few moments. She swore explosively, "That-Little-Fucking-Shit..."  
She turned back to Draco and her face was calm.  
"Well...?"  
Aiwa shook her head and gave Draco the glare of *Brutal Axe Murder*, "Fine get her back into the tent and on a bed."  
"But......." Draco slumped. "Oh, alright... but..."  
Draco went to Ginny and picked her up. She threw up on his chest and he dropped her in shock.  
Luke laughed.  
Aiwa gave him a disdainful look. "Ok... now you pick her up... and you don't drop her.... and you walk while still carrying her and then you place, I repeat place, her down on the bed"  
Draco picked up Ginny, muttered a quick apology and walked off, carefully to the tent.  
Aiwa shook her head. "Luke, why the hell am I doing this? Has my brain taken a leave of absense?"  
"Do you really want me to answer that?" Was his reply.  
  
{\o/} {\o/} {\o/} {\o/}  
*/*\* */*\* */*\* */*\*  
  
Frodo rolled over and stood up. He was on the floor quite a way from his tent. He rubbed his temples and licked his lips. He went in search of something to drink. He looked up to see a vomit covered Draco carrying a slightly less covered Virginia.  
He laughed. He then immediately regreted it as his head started pounding again.  
He walked towards the fire at the centre of the camp.  
Pippin and Merry were frying potatoes and tomatoes. Aragorn was reclining with a beer in hand. Ishtar was sitting quietly drinking a cup of tea.  
Frodo saw a small pot of tea boiling on the fire. He grabbed a cup and filled it to the brim.  
Pippin looked at Frodo, "So do you regret getting pissed last night?"  
Frodo shook his head, "I haven't got drunk in yonks!"  
Merry laughed, "Pippin does. He woke up nude in ditch down the road!"  
Pippin went red, "I so did not!"  
"You did!"  
"I didn't!"  
"You did!"  
"I didn't!"  
"Fine!" Merry looked at Pippin, "So have you seen that Tigerlily of late?"  
Pippin went red and stalked off. Leaving Merry to make breakfast himself.  
Merry shook his head and looked at Frodo, "Give us a hand here, mate. That is if you want breakfast."  
  
  
{\o/} {\o/} {\o/} {\o/}  
*/*\* */*\* */*\* */*\*  
  
Aiwa looked at Virginia.  
Virginia threw up over the edge of the bed.  
"Draco, what did Virginia drink last night?" Aiwa asked shaking her head. She couldn't figure out why Virginia was so sick.  
"Same as me. Some Ale, Liquer, Spirit, Port, a couple of MaiTai's and some Vodka."  
Aiwa shook her head, "My best guess is that she ate or drank something that doesn't agree with her. She should be okay by then end of the day. Just make sure she has heaps to drink. Water I mean."  
Virginia leaned over the edge of the bed and threw up again.  
Aiwa rolled her eyes, "Draco I think it's time we have a little chat."  
Draco and Aiwa stepped outside.   
"Draco has Virginia eaten anything odd before we found you?"  
Draco looked blank, "Not that I can think of. We both ate the same things."  
"Like what?" Aiwa inquired.  
Draco closed his eyes in thought, "Chicken, Caeser Salad the night before you found us. Roast Pork (YECK) and roast vegetables the night before that. Sausages and mashed potatoes for lunches and coffee for breakfast. That's about all I can remember."  
Aiwa laughed, "You guys are eating better than us. How did you get the food?"  
Draco looked at Aiwa and pulled his wand out of his pocket.  
Aiwa blushed, "Fine be like that!"  
  
{\o/} {\o/} {\o/} {\o/}  
*/*\* */*\* */*\* */*\*  
  
A/N the end of Chapter 4 now walk out the door! Ok if ur fav character was in this chap don't worry it wasn't them that died. 


	5. Chapter 5 (The Final Chapter if u don't ...

DISCLAIMER- Hey if u wanna sue me knock urself out! I have $10 and I hate to tell you that an awful lota people wanna sue me first! Anywayz the characters in this fic are owned by J.R. Tolkein and J. R. Rowling.  
  
NOTE FROM THE TWISTED BIZARRE PEOPLE THAT WROTE THIS CHAPTER-  
Hiya.   
No, boo!   
Fine! Anywayz hiya and welcome to the next Installment of "And then there was 14."  
Not that there ever was 14 characters, but hell. Why should we start making sense now?   
Alrighty then *insane giggle* we might actually stop killing you with suspense (MIGHT) and tell you who died in chapter 2 and then maybe kill off some more. then again if u don't know by now ur a little on the slow side. Anywayz. *insane cackle. leans across and whispers conspieratorly to meghan* You think they wanna know where the HP characters come from?"  
Nope. Who cares? They're here, we're here. If they don't like it...  
okies then. Now for the apologies and a quick warning...  
We apologise now for the use of any naughty words, sexual references, Violence, slang, snogging, pashing, kissing, dirty old men, abuse of unicorns, any stereotypical words used, any random plots, any cliches, any hungry hippos, any stupid comments, corny jokes, meghan & tabithaesque humour, fleas, unexplained explosions, plotholes you could fit large cities into, sugarrrr abuse, over-use of clearings, dense forests with more clearings than trees, magical appearance of clearings, and clearings that aren't really clearings, accidental crosses in which HP characters end up in here, pointless use of dots, abuse of yaks, high elephants, gruelsome deaths that really needn't of happened, lack of sugarrrr abuse, bad grammer (stupid english language), bad english, bad spelling (just say it aloud. Its spelt how it sounds!), bad typing, invented words, lack of originality (but that won't happen often!), Bad, just bad, and we apologise for all those who miss out on having Legolas.  
WARNING- If you do not review we will hunt you down with a cheese grater, a whisk, an electric beater, daisy, a spork, tongs, a can opener and vegemite just coz we can. And.... we won't update for ages!  
  
Always remember-If oneday you happen to wake up and find yourself in an existential quandry, full of loathing and self- doubt, and wracked with the pain and isolation of your pitiful meaningless existance, at least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that somewhere in this crazy, mixed up universe of ours, theres a small place called Albuquerque.  
  
Luv   
{\o/}  
*/*\*  
Megz and Tabz  
  
Chapter 5  
  
Aiwa and Elfea sat across the fire from each other.  
"Appologise to Legolas." Elfea said quietly, not looking at anyone but clearly talking to Aiwa.  
"Me. Appologise to Him? I think not. Just because I didn't get pissed and get married doesn't mean you can tell me what to do," Aiwa said not even bothering to conceal the anger in her voice.  
"Hey, we got married before, I repeat, before we got drunk."  
Aiwa turned to Legolas, "Do you remember getting married?"  
Legolas paused. He looked shifty, and declined from speaking.  
"I'll take that as a no. Elfea, do you remember getting married?"  
"Yes." She replied triumphantly.  
Aiwa turned to Draco, who smiled evily. He went to his tent and returned with a small glass bottle. "Elfea drink it," she said as Draco handed Elfea the bottle.  
"No bloody way. I know what that is." Elfea replied.  
Aiwa shook her head angrily, "Do you want to prove you remember your own wedding?"  
"Don't you believe me?" Elfea looked a bit hurt.  
Luke looked worried and stood up to leave. Aiwa pulled him back down into his seat, "Are you on my side or hers?"  
Luke looked from Aiwa to Elfea and back again, looking helpless. He shook his head and mumbled, "Your's darling."  
"Bloody Prat." Elfea muttered.  
"Elfea just because I know my husband is loyal!"  
Elfea walked off, muttering curses under her breath.  
Aiwa looked triumphant, "See, Bitch, I'm right!"  
Elfea lazilly threw a fireball back towards the camp.  
Aiwa caught it in her hand and blew it out. "You could use some practice young apprentice."  
"Piss off, child."  
"Hey at least I'm not still an apprentice at 2921 years of age. You old fart!"  
"I'm not still an apprentice and I'm not old, infant. Be happy that you're my friend or you'd be dead now. Goodbye."  
"COME BACK HERE, BITCH! I'M NOT FINISHED YET! DO YOU WANT ME TO TELL THEM ALL ABOUT YOUR ANTI-WRINKLE CREAM!"  
Elfea continued to walk.  
Aiwa turned to Legolas. "Yes has she told you about her anti-wrinkle cream? She's been using it since she was just over an thousand."  
"Elves don't need anti-wrinkle cream." Legolas shrugged, and looked toward his wife.  
"WELL SHE....." Aiwa didn't get any further as Luke clamped a hand over her mouth and dragged her out of the clearing.  
Gimli and a luminous white unicorn walked into the clearing.  
"Hey ho."  
Aragorn, Frodo, Pippin, Ishtar, Merry, Draco and Virginia just shook their heads and went back to their tents.  
"Meet my girlfriend... Neigh."  
  
{\o/} {\o/} {\o/}  
*/*\* */*\* */*\*   
  
"Come on, Aiwa, don't be so harsh on Elfea and Legolas. I mean you've done some really, really stupid things when you were drunk," Luke said taking a step away from his wife in anticipation of his coming pain.  
Aiwa kicked him in the ....... and he doubled over in pain.  
"Don't dare to think that you can tell me that I have done things worse than her doing this?" Aiwa glowered at Luke.  
"Well there was that one time, you know in Mirkwood, when you....."  
Aiwa silenced him with another blow to his nether regions, "I never married someone when I was drunk."  
Luke looked up and paused before blurting out, "What about that one time in Las Vegas?"  
Again Aiwa silenced him.  
Luke looked up at her in pain, "Don't you want to have kids?"  
Aiwa stopped and helped him to his feet. He fell over as soon as she let him go. He stood up by himself and staggered around for a bit, "Sweetheart, darling, love of my life, is there any ale left?"  
Aiwa pushed him over and stormed off, probably to go shoot cute, little, innocent bunnies.  
  
{\o/} {\o/} {\o/}  
*/*\* */*\* */*\*   
  
Legolas walked through the forest, looking for Elfea. "Elfea, Elfea? Where are you? Come out Elfea, it's me, Legolas..."  
"Fuck off. I wanna be alone!" Someone wailed from behind some trees.  
Legolas shook his head. This was going to take some time. "Elfea... I have chocolate." Maybe not that long after all.  
Elfea appeared at his side and began searching him for chocolate. After an eventful search she discovered he didn't have any.  
"That was cruel."  
Legolas smiled, "And it will keep being cruel until you and Aiwa go back to being friends. Lukes probably with Aiwa doing exactly the same thing."  
"Or trying to, from a safe distance, I'll say." Elfea said, a hint of a smile playing on her lips.  
Legolas laughed. "Very true. Got to feel sorry for the poor bugger. How did they end up together? I mean they are so different!" he said moving the conversation to safer ground.  
"If she told you to ask her to marry you, would you say no?"  
"Yes, I would because I'm already married. I think he really loves her though."  
"True. Brave man, that one."  
Legolas tried to stop himself from laughing. He failed miserably. "By the Valar if the sun fell out of the sky you would find away to make it sound funny!"  
"Awww..." Elfea blushed, "Thanks.... Sorry..."  
Aiwa came into the clearing with her bow raised, "Oh I thought there were some cute, little, innocent bunnies here but now I see it's some rather not very innocent elves."  
Elfea glared.  
Legolas rather subtly left the clearing.  
Aiwa glared, "Was he trying to talk you around to appoligising like Luke was to me a second ago?"  
"Yes." Elfea almost smiled.  
Aiwa tried to frown but it got turned upside down. (A/N: Arrg... not that phrase.... *gag*) "Elfea, I believe they should be made to suffer."  
Elfea nodded. "Indeed. " She paused. "Friends?"  
"Deal and I have the perfect plan........"  
  
{\o/} {\o/} {\o/}  
*/*\* */*\* */*\*   
  
Luke and Legolas looked at each other.  
Luke was still limping. "So how did things go with Elfea?" he asked in a high pitched voice.  
"Umm... alot better than things went for you, I'd guess."  
Luke just nodded as he stumbled and fell over again.  
Legolas grinned. "An awful lot better." (A/N: heehee)  
Luke tried to smile but it ended up a grimace of pain. "Yeah she stalked off to kill cute, little, innocent bunnies."  
"I have a feeling that's what Elfea had in mind, too."  
Luke acknowledged that with a grunt as he found some ice. (A/N: LOL!)  
"I hope they get over this little.... phase.... soon, for their sake and for yours." Legolas grinned again.  
Luke mumbled something that sounded remarkably like "Shit yeah!"  
Suddenly a scream came from the forest. It was soon joined by another high pitched scream.  
Luke swore, "That sounds like, Aiwa." (A/N: unnable to type as am laughing, We probably don't mean the dirty way but if u wanna take it like that don't blame us!)  
Legolas grabbed his bow and ran towards the forest. Luke hobbled along begind him with the rest of the fellowship and the unicorn who all wanted to see a good fight.  
"Hey Aragorn I'll put a twenty on Aiwa to win," Frodo said happily.  
Pippin looked annoyed, "Hey I want a fifty on Elfea."  
Aragorn looked at the pair, "Gawd you two are tight arses."  
  
{\o/} {\o/} {\o/}  
*/*\* */*\* */*\*   
  
Legolas swore as he saw Elfea's arrow ridden body.  
Luke let a rather high pitched scream free when he saw the burnt remains of his wife.  
He turned to Legolas, "You left them together?"  
Legolas swore again, "Shit. They never would of been friends again if we didn't leave them alone to work out their differences."  
"Well now they will never be friends again!"  
Pippin laughed, "Hey, Frodo, where's my twenty? Aiwa's more mutilated them Elfea so I think she won."  
Virginia and Draco stood there looking confused, "The point in this would be."  
Someone snorted from behind them.  
They all spun around. Aiwa stood there looking rather annoyed, "More mutilated than her? You guys have seen way to much violence on TV."  
Another laugh came from the other side of the clearing. "Yeah, we should ban those hobbits from TV for, like, a month! No soapies for you guys anymore!"  
Frodo whined, "But I so, love, Dawsons Creek. I mean there are some major babes on that show."  
Luke hobbled over to Aiwa. "I was so worried about you and... What the hell are you trying to do to me? I mean you trying to kill me by giving me a heart attack?"  
Aiwa nodded.  
Elfea laughed. Legolas ran over to her (A/n : awww... don't hit me), looking pale-er than normal. "You're ok..."  
"No..." Elfea said sarcastically.  
They all went home and lived happily ever after..  
THE END!  
  
A/N: This isn't the end, but hey! At least there is one, even if it isn't in the right place. :D  
(tabz) okies if u don't review this will be the end.........  
And for the record absolutely no sexual references have been made so if u *find* any you can blame ur own sick mind. 


End file.
